Start with Who You Want to Be: Reframing Success for Physicians

An earlier version of this article appeared on this website in May, 2023

Do you ever find yourself daydreaming, thinking that if you only had (x) then you could do (y), and finally be (z)? Perhaps if you only had more time, more money, a (different) spouse, or (fill in the blank), then everything would fall in line.

This is what is known as the Have-Do-Be mindset. It was first described by the late psychologist and spiritual teacher Ram Dass in the 1970s, but it remains remarkably contemporary.

Put another way, the “have, do, be” concept reflects a pattern of thought around fulfillment and success.

Through your years of education and medical practice, you may have learned to organize your goals around the belief that if you simply acquire the right things—whether possessions, titles, or achievements—then you will naturally do the right things, and finally you will be happy or fulfilled.

By experiencing the world through this lens, your sense of well-being may become tied to what you acquire or accomplish, rather than who you are and how you live day to day

Although it might sound logical, in truth, this way of thinking can actually hold you back from achieving your dreams. It can make you a passive observer, giving up your power and your agency in service to an imagined future over which you may in fact have very little control.

There’s another way to look at things. Instead of focusing on what you wish you could have, and what you feel you can’t yet do, you have the option to flip the script and begin again with a more empowering question: Who do you want to be right now?

When you begin with who you want to be, the next steps often become more clear. Decisions about what to do start to fall into place. What you ultimately have, or what you might visualize as success, may not always arrive right away. But each action taken in alignment with your values moves you closer to the life you want to create. And along the way, you may discover that the goal you originally imagined evolves into something even richer and more fulfilling.

Be

Reversing the script can feel uncomfortable because it forces you to become accountable to yourself.

Getting started right now, rather than waiting for some unmapped date in the future, can be unsettling. Let’s be honest— sometimes it’s easier to daydream rather than to take action. And searching for firm footing to define exactly who you want to be can feel a little awkward.

But there are a few simple steps that can help you to get there with more clarity and certainty. And once you begin, you may even discover a sense of calm and purpose that might have felt elusive before.

The key to getting started is to identify your own personal guiding principles.

Begin by asking yourself what kind of person you want to be, both personally and professionally. In other words, what are your core values? How can you live them out in your work as a physician and in your broader life as a friend, partner, parent, citizen, community member, or individual?

This exercise can be enlightening and sustaining. If you’re looking for a guided way to define your own personal values, my Core Values Worksheet can help.

Do

By naming your core values and aspirations, you can make intentional choices rather than simply reacting to external pressures or other people’s expectations.

Your priorities and goals will become clearer and more personal. And from there, you’ll be able to define the steps you need to take to keep yourself on track.

It doesn’t have to be complicated, and you don’t have to make a life-changing commitment to get started. Doing could be as simple as setting aside a little protected time each day to work on your most meaningful goals. You may surprise yourself by what you discover as you work through this process.

Have

In defining your values and taking action, you begin to build a life that aligns with who you are today and who you hope to become.

The “have” part of this equation will become more tangible and attainable, rather than simply a dream.

Don’t be surprised if your direction takes an unanticipated turn along the way. As you move towards your own North Star, your goals may shift a little, or maybe even a lot. That’s often not a failure of navigation. Instead, it may be a sign that you are now on your own path.

Most importantly, if you’re feeling stuck, a small action can get you out of a rut. Setting aside a 15-minute block each evening to plan the next day is a simple place to start.

Clarity rarely appears before action. Take the first step, and trust yourself as the path begins to unfold.

---

If you’ve enjoyed this article and would like to stay in the loop for more insights on creating a sustainable, fulfilling, and happy life as a physician, sign up for my newsletter or reach out on my website. I’d love to hear from you.

If you’d like to learn more about my coaching practice, you can schedule a complimentary introductory meeting by clicking the link below.